:)

"You'll no longer be able to give yourself short shrift or buy into co-dependent dynamics that put your needs on an eternal backburner. You're learning the hard way how to love yourself the way you want and deserve to be loved. Relationships must honor, dignify and respect your noble qualities to pass Saturn's stringent litmus test. But the good news is that you're learning to stand up and voice your romantic needs. No longer will you fall prey to the trap of giving in hopes of getting -- and that makes all the difference."
ripped this horoscope prediction thingy from yahoo.
mmmm.i guess its pretty true
after a year of trying to figure things out,i do realise that relationships are way too hard for me.they're like rocket science.
dating is easy but relationships are so difficult :(
have to definitely learn to love myself more,be kinder to myself and then love the people around me
2011, please be kind to me.i'm (kinda) looking forward to a new year.

p.s. please humour me and stop interogating me. tyvm

yay new mickey says hi! <3

i wish i know know, how to break your spell.

i like us now so please dont change a thing.
i like it that we're friends because we're friends. it's so stress free being around you its nice for a change.
mickeymouse goodies yayyyy :)
today is a good day!

sg is still too small but there's really nice hidden places not many will know. i never knew there is a chopin statue, along with plato newton picasso dante churchill and a bunch more here. exploring these gems are really really fun!

"if you like someone. you like them. you can't fight chemistry"
in the end i've agreed to your invitation, simply because we click well.
because it is not easy to find people that are on the same frequency as me, and i'm glad i've found you.

如果所有的错从来一次
能否改变结局？

really really too tired to wait up for you to come online and talk to me :(
work and time difference is making this impossible :((

loverboy.
by now i think we're both feeling it.
the distance between us.yes we're drifting apart no matter how reluctant we are to admit.
i'm really happy for you that your career's moving up, even though that means you having to choose between your dream and a promotion.
i would have told you to go for your dreams, you know.
because i've seen that look when you talk about your dream.
its the same look you have when you pick up those drum sticks and drum to your heart's content.
its the passion in your eyes, and the look that tells me you can do that your whole life, no regrets.
for that i'm envious. and i always look up to you.
i hope when i'm your age i'll have everything figured out.
for now, i'll be on the sideline rooting for you.

i'll sleep a very happy girl tonight :)

htht with dee about our current relationship(s) mess.
gosh there's so much to catchup!
but i'm glad we're still periodically meeting up.!

and the parents are back so yeah, good food for the next couple days! i like it that when my parents come back the fridge will be stock up with food i'll never be hungry and i can snack and eat all day long.

plus a (surprise) msn convo from japan! :)

should have talked to m just now!!!! :(
Nevermind.i've got the whole month here in sk to see him again. *crosses fingers.

I cant be sick during the holidays nooooo :(((((

What i'm enjoying these days:

1.

Nora Jones. Awesome music, amazing vocals and (very) adorable accompaniments in the background.

2.
Very insightful. yes it is about philosophy and Plato Aristotle and Socrates but this book is nowhere near boring to me.

"but most people are content with a life among shadows. They think shadows are all there are, never realizing that they are, in fact, shadows. And thus they pay no heed to the immortality of their own soul."

3.

Closer.

"You could have chosen anyone. Why me?"

adore the cast, the dialogues and the realness of this film.

it'll be a vicious cycle of work and being super exhausted for first half a week, then r&r and have some life for the next half of the week and then back to work again.

come back, come back,come back

to me.

guilty :(

i didn't tell you this but it'll be nice to get me something that reminds you of me.
surprise me in two weeks time yeah?
you're my pleasant surprise today :)

"hmmm. valiant? valedictorian? vanilla? vandal? vagabond? haha."
you've no idea.but this made my lousy day a hundred times better.
be safe.
i know i cant spend a good chunk of my life worrying for people, but well these people are too important for me to not worry for them

maybe its supposed to be like that.
what's a good live jazz wthout good company?
i'm kinda getting abit of mixed signals and yes i maybe overthinking but what if its true?
falling for someone else wasnt part of the plan, was it?

i'm sorry to put you through all these.
You probably won't know but the truth is, your magic is so real, so real i'm afraid to burst the bubble.
For the tenthousanth times i ask myself why me out of your one thousnd and one friends you have.and i've gotten no answer.
If i wanted out, will you still fight for me?

if it means me being a workaholic during the holidays to forget you, i'll take the job.
i miss you so much my boy.

the reason why i cant let go of you just yet.
its always like that, i can think of a hundred reasons why i should let you go but you'll give me just one to make me think twice and stay.
that's pearls before swine by stephan pastis by the way.one of my favourite because there is a good balance of cynic pun humour and cuteness.

i'm glad you're back safe.
and those biking trip over the weekend, please be safe.

:) :) :)
i know this is very childish but look at my two lovely sunny-s! :) and pink flowers!

chivalry is more than just paying for your date, heck maybe that doesnt count
because its all about those little considerate things every gentlemen should do.
probably the reason why i enjoy being a (single) lady.

"No, i'm no one's wife
But, oh, i love my life
And all that jazz"

maybe when we're done with fighting our own wars, for education, for career, for dreams
and we realise that neither of us have quitted or lose ay faith in each other
that we can be truly together.
for now, its gonna be a long battle ahead.

this is such a disorganised post because i'm very disorganised right now.
finishing up the last epi of himym4 and/or chicago before getting some sleep.
goodnight world

love puzzles me like the toughest most complicated uh physics questions.
how can someone just saps all your time and energy away?
how can someone be as equally important as all your friends and family combined?
how can someone be tying you down while you blissfully accepts that?
how can someone that hardly matter a while ago suddendly be all you're living and dying for?
how can someone put you through so much mental torture and yet you'll forgive him unquestioningly?
false dilemma, chronic insecurities and unspoken contracts
maybe thats why they say love's blind.

someday i'm gonna watch chicago the musical live.

liberation day today!!! (:
alot of me-time from now on to catch up with those good arty musicy stuffs i've been missing

i just realised that the word stay and stray differ only by one alphabet.
st(r)ay?

i wish there's a better and less boring way to say these.
but i'm not good with words.
so i'll say the three/ four words how like everyone else does.
i (will) miss you
please be safe while i fight my version of war here.

ps. you're way sneakier, bad-er but definitely better

i can hear your voice all night my boy.
you're being too good to me sometimes i wonder why i feel so insecure.
in the love game, the heart wins.
it triumphs over logic.
it triumphs over rational.
sure my heart will probably be stabbed and wounded and left to bleed over and over again.
but for you, i'll have no regrets.

lost track of time but wow, it've been really a while since i last saw you.
i miss you.
not in the i'm feeling crazy let's do illegal things kind of miss you.
but in the most innocent i really miss you miss you.
let me see you before you leave again?

i need to know that everything happens for a reason, and will turn out just fine eventually.
if i have more faith and not so many panic attacks, life will be a thousand times easier.
i'm really really tired and drained and exhausted and why am i stil not getting my sleep at this freaking hour?

how come the slightest thing like my name, sounded so different when you say it?
i know i need to quit you, to end things like mature people and maybe have a fresh start.
but its so hard because i've given you part of my heart and its impossible to take it back.
you need to stop messing with my head.

yst i dreamt of going out with someone not musicy but i'm head over heels for him.
is this some sort of a sign that we've max-ed out our time tgt?
i dismissed the thought the last time our lips met.
i dismissed the thought this morning when i woke.
but i really dont have good feelings about this.
okay the i'm-imposing-a-self-ban-on-any-loverboy-thought(s) is still on.
g'bye my boy.hello endless mugging.
for now.for now.
we need to talk.

love, let's put this love on hold for now.
we both know it.
that we've got so many things to do, so many things that needed to be done, and so many things we want to do.
and right now we are no longer each others priority.
school is for me, just like work is for you.
given time, maybe we'll come back stronger.
but maybe those feelings may fate.
so love, let's put this love on hold for now.
"because if its real, we'll make it through."
you were right, when you said uni will be an eye-opener.
it showed me the hobbes' dog-eat-dog world, and it also showed me the goodness in people, their willingness to guide along the way, even if i dont mean a thing to them.
you were right, when you said i was too young.
and you were right, when you said we both needed time.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

i dont believe in forever.
i never did actually. i still rmb asking probably my mum or my teacher what happen after fairytales end. won't the bad guy still come and steal the princess? dont they ever fight? won't some other witch try and separate them again?
i can tell you a thousand and one reason why i dont believe, but the truth is, i only need one reason to believe, one guy to trust and prove to me that forever can exist.
and i'm still waiting.

i wonder if you dream of someone, is it because you think of the someone too frequently, or is it because both of you think of each other as frequently.
i dreamt that you gave me the answer to my burning question, the why-me-but-not-other-girl(s) question? why did you single me out of the oh-so-many people and chose me?

i couldnt remember anything except the fact that you didnt answer the question with words, but rather with those eyes that could make my heart melt.
the strange thing is in my dream i understood you perfectly well.
and we even had a laugh together after that.

but when i woke, nothing made sense. just like how this romance is so unexplainable, yet so undeniable.

you just revived my disheartened heart.
i dont know if i have enough of drama to want a boring kind of life. maybe not.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

:) and :/
its a contradiction between happy and uncertain.

i'm happy because i'm taking classes about things that i like, things that i'm interested and wants to learn. i'm happy about new friendships and still maintaining a pretty tight one with old friends. i'm happy that vacation is coming even if that means mugging hell is ongoing.
but yet, i'm uncertain. uncertain about the future, about my grades, about where me and loverboy are going, about so many things.
so. the next best thing is to keep calm, keep the faith and keep going.
that's the plan for now.


boy,
i wonder if you know that we're all living on borrowed time.
that applies to our relation and our pacts.
you always say that there will be a next time, that we still have got time.
but really do we? how much time do we have left?
you know i really never leave you, not in thoughts.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. twinkle in those eyes.
02. skinny ties and blazer. very charming how come singapore guys dont dress up enough??? :(
03. good ambience plus good music with the one.

you don't let me forget you, do you?
secret places, intimate moments, and those firsts.
when i said you're always the one, i meant it.

adventure day with you is really an eye-opener
becasue with other people it will probably never involve happy place, same old place, knowing how glass is made, painting art art, improvisation, and a whole lot of insanity
"i'm addicted to you, dont you know that you're toxic?"

one of the (bad) thing about us is our (over)confidence in the future
we talk about the future like we'll be together for a really long time
but what about all the parts in between?
what if forever is not long enough?
i wish i'm over this insecurity phase.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. the word 'LOL". its like you've nothing better to say to me that this must appear.
02. flip flops in class
03. overly played music
04. un-chivalry-ness. really guys gt so much to learn to be a gentleman. and sadly not a lot are anywhere near.

"it was the best jazz music- unpredictable, dangerous yet purely musical"
stantley jordan is really really good. and i could say this to just about any kind of music.

i can assure you that date with loverboy did involve music as loud as those we went to, but it was the kind of music that so good it left everyone in awe. very tight rhythm, perfect syncronisation, beautiful instrument play, addictive idee fixe and an encore. i dont say this enough, but i really do try not to brand music into tasteful and tasteless category, because i know its all about prefernce. but honestly, once you get a taste of the best, not just in jazz or classical, but in trance or any other genre, mediocre standard doesnt seem anywhere near acceptable anymore. and yes i do not settle for the second best option.

i can tell you that date with loverboy did involve alcohol, and nights like that we enjoyed every single bit of each other. we let guards down and bare souls even if noone knows what will happen in the future. but wanting me to put my guards down in front of thousand of people, even though they're unknown and annonymous to me, its impossible. you know me, do you?

it shouldnt came to you as a surprise that i dont bother trying because i really am not interested in trying for one, and for two, i'm stubborn like that.

really, you know bringing me there prematurely is not a good idea. you didnt prove me wrong, but you just showed me that everything i thought was negative wasnt just predjudice or immagination.

reconsider about bringing your future girl there yeah? unless she agrees.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

1.family. they say blood is thicker than water. they're right.

2.Van. someone as music-y as me, yet the total opposite of me.

3. fangs and lims. both of you make jc life so much better and i'm glad we're still meeting up periodically :)

4. bestest. sometimes very irritating, but yet you know about my secrets more than anyone (okay partly because you grill me wayy too many times, now is my turn *evil grin)

5. loverboy. the reason he's number 5 is not because he's least important but i feel unfair that everyone else in the list know me for years and he barely know me for one year and still made it to the list. my only justification is that he did make a major difference in my life. and i do see myself playing this with him for a while more.
“我不管了
我不管这伤口能不能愈合
选着了你也许是错的人
选着包容了你的不安分
请尊重我的选着
我想我 疯了"

its not easy, 'cos i dont trust people, i'm skeptical about people in general
but these people, they're always there, no matter how broken/crazy/depressed/over emotional i am sometimes.
and thats why they matter so much to me.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. giving up (literally) on m.
02. taking chem in jc
03. taking triple science in sec
04. failing g8 once
05. xx
06. xx

okay i dont usually regret doing anything because i know things happen for a reason. its like if i'm not over m then i'll never fall for loverboy. its like if i dont take chem i'll probably not be s08 which is an awesome class.
pt 5 and 6 can be something stupid like i wish i never gave my heart up so easily to m/loverboy but i know that's totally not true. i'll probably say that on impulse, but i know they did make a difference in my life.

i'm starting to lose faith (again)
and its killing me.

'i'm thinking of your sugar lips.'

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. the end of the week.i really want to see my boy again.
02. psych paper submittion.
03. more papers/ homeworks.
04. more tests.
05. stop facebook-ing
06. countdown to the next time i'll have some life (friday i hope, fingers crossed).
07. love.

finally outing day with van at dempsey :) :) :)
nice food plus nice place plus nice company.
i wish everyday is wednesday.

you started talking to me the moment i played paramore's the only exception.
little coincidence like this make my day/night.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. be music-y. be very music-y. you already won half the battle by fulfilling this criteria
02. do the courting. never skip that.
03. impress me. both m and loverboy played their choice of instrument(s) and that pretty much won my heart instantly.
04. accept me for who i am, including my sometimes very pessimistic view of life, insensitivity, over sensitivy, over emotional/sentimental crazy heart.
05. show me and let me into your world. make me realise that i need you and you'll be there.
06. text me when you think of me, just so i know.
07. leave very good first impression by being chivarious and/or charismatic. now that's lethal.
08. be friend with van.she'll tell a couple hundred other things you need to do to win my heart/ make me smile/ make me love you more.

its not difficult to win over me, or is it?

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. i like to exhaust my fingers on the piano to clear my head. or go to secret place.
02. i need my caffeine fix every morning.
03. i'm craving for pancakes plus maple syrup.now.
04. i think asian lit is underated. the same goes to classical and jazz.
05. i'm a light sleeper.
06. i'm gonna chop off my hair to shoulder length once i'm tired of long hair.that is if i'm brave enough.
07. i daydream in class alot.
08. i like cutting-and-pasting pieces of assorted pieces of papers.that's theraphutic.
09. i like to bake at midnight when everyone else is asleep.

The 10 Day Challenge

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

01. i miss you. bad. everything about you. the way you say my name. the way you laugh (majority of the time laughing at me). the way you hold my hand. the way you wanted a hug in the middle of the carpark. the way every night spent with you is magical.
02. can't wait for wednesday. i'm so used to seeing you a few times a week in school or at work it feels so weird now.
03. i wish you could help me sit for my psych paper. and lend me your brain so i can write a decent psych paper on time. can i have happy food?
04. i need more food in my room.
05. have a safe trip back from hongkong tml.
06. thankyou for wishing me luck before piano. are you done studying for psych?
07. i miss youuu! pls visit loverboy for me in ntu and tell him i miss him.
08. dear love and happiness, where are you?
09. teach me how to load the game plsssss(?)
10. you are calm. you will breathe. you will finish that textbook eventually.

"You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives

I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again"
loving olivia ong's version of this classic. really you wont go wrong with jazz or bossa!

boy, i cant wait for you to be back alr!

"closing doors, opening hearts"
because who we are behind those closed doors are more often then not so different from the facade everyone sees.
just yst i thought about that time when i nearly gave you up, thank god you convinced me not too.

piano exam's over so now i shall get busy with school work
but before that's a day off for myself to do boring things that make me happy.

thank you for holding me through the night, for watching me break and helping me piece myself back up again, for being there for me even though i was a bitch a few nights ago.

"我不是你想像那麼勇敢
多想讓你保護 能流淚一場
讓我放下武裝　像個孩子一樣"

i never did told you that i was never strong, never as strong as what people want to think anyway. cold yes, but strong, i'm a far cry away.
my tear ducts are really over active these days. just a week ago i cried reading an equal music, today i cried hearing a song.
its getting harder and scarier to be leonie these days.

oh by the way, here's the answer to your question yst.
if there can only be one reason, i'll say that what i like the most about him is how he's like second skin to me.
its how when he's with me, he fits me really well.
its how every first doesnt seem like a first.it's as though we've practised a thousand times before, such that the moment is always unforgettable.
its how me being me and him being him is enough to justify us.

10 things to do over the weekends plus recess week.

1. practise piano like there's no tml for piano exam.breathe
2. go to secret place at least once to gain back sanity
3. long-overdued meetup with different bunch of friends
4. buy a copy of vikram seth's an equal music, and probably murakami's norwegian woods. need to reread before it appears on the big screen and kills my imagination.
5. revise those that needs revision, research those that need to be researched.
6. swim/ jog.
7. finish kundera's testaments betrayed.
8. retail theraphy.
9. clear/ file away my messy table
10. dont think so obsessively of loverboy.he'll come back soon

idk why 'm feeling so messed up. its like i'm worried for loverboy, but is there any reason for me to be?

i'll miss you bad too.in fact, i'm already showing the i-miss-you-already symptoms.
its really a thousand sad faces today :( :( :( :(
just anyone everyone please distract me and keep me busy for the next one week yeah.tyvm

"As if, behind the art of melody, there hid two possible intentionalities, contrary to one another: as if a Bach fugue, by bringing us to contemplate a beauty of being that is outside the subjective, aimed to make us forgot our moods, our passions and pains, ourselves; and as if on the other hand Romantic melody aimed to make us plunge into ourselves, feel the self with a terrible intensity, and forget everything outside."

this is honestly one the most thoughtful thing i've read in a while. Kundera's essay is seriously mindblowingly good.

"distance between two hearts is not an obstacle, rather a great reminder just how strong true love can be"

"when he's the one, i'll come undone."

you know i'll be very biased and clear my day just to see you before your trip.
i give you my word for that.
its sad that late last year/early this year it was me that went travelling and now, its your turn.
i really need to see you now now.
you'll be my instant remedy to this sadness, really.

"My heart just skipped a beat, over and over again.
For the right, and for the wrong reasons."
i missed you.terribly.
wish you're here with me.

i guess we aint exactly civilised on the phone a day or two ago
seriously wrong move to call you
i probably wasnt exactly sane and you just pissed me off and snap.
since none of us are ready to apologize,
a time out will be good. no?
and honestly i only have vague idea why we're in a cold war

ASSUMING..

Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost?
My long lost primary school BFF :)

Assuming you have various kinds of electronics (phone, camera, iPod, etc.), are you currently charging any of them?
laptop!

Assuming you use moisturizer, what kind do you currently use?
some MUJI moisturiser i got from HK just because its travel sized.

Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today?
wore it down, straight

Assuming you’re listening to music, what are you listening to?
five seconds to hold you- Devics

Assuming you text, what does the 3rd text in your inbox say and who is it from?
ahaha.okay it reads "Bonjour", by whoelse but lover boy.
I was telling him i'll be stoning for french class and that was what he wrote. put a smile on my face though :)

Assuming you have better things to do other than surveys, what should you be doing right now?
concentrating on the discussion of JS1101E and probably get more sleep.i sense a flu coming :(

Assuming you’re consuming something, what are you eating/drinking?
water. i'm craving for friend chicken though..

Assuming you’re not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have?
alternating a roomie that gossips wth me at night and between my mumsy, younger brother and daddy that comes here once or twce a month and

Assuming you’ve looked outside today, what’s the weather like?
good. not too hot but enough sun and no gloom.

Assuming you’ll be wearing clothes today, what will your outfit be?
jeans and toga top. i'm finally venturing into asymetrical clothes.

Assuming you have friends, when’s the last time you talked to one of your bests?
today. texted and called van. we've got plans for tml finally! :)

Assuming you actually get out of the house once in awhile, when’s the next time you’ll be traveling somewhere (anywhere) and where will you go?
tml morning.morning morning like 8am. i bet i'll be questioning my sanity right after i leave the house.
off to a private sale. the rest will be an impromptu arrangement. we've become so acustomise and so good at not planning our days

Assuming you’re not a saint, have you ever shoplifted?
nope.

Assuming you have some obsession with a TV show, name the top three shows you’re most addicted to.
i'm more into foreign films lately but a while ago i think gossipgirl, glee and fringe1 made it into the list.


mutual addiction and desires
ain't we all slaves to love?

it's like, i am so unworthy, and yet i am so blessed.
everytime i find myself facing something unpleasant, life will give me ten other reasons to smile.
i'm not gonna lie to myself that you're not part of the reason, because you obviously are.

i'm sure we didn't take each other for granted.no we didn't.
i think what we took for granted was how comfortable we are being around each other.right from the start.
being around you, its almost too natural
there's no need for practice. no need for rehearsals.
there is no need to hide, no need to guard my heart.
like what you always said
i'm all yours.
so true. so true.

i know its not exactly a fair playing field for you, but i'm trying.and i'm definitely fighting for you.
you're worth the fight. any day.

i can listen to Devics sing 'The man I love' all day.

i vaguely remembered writing about this before.
Milan kundera defines love as warmth and weight. I thought how true it was for our friday night rencontre.
You may not have the advantage of time like m had, but you made it up with intensity.

ugggghhhh withdrawal symptoms :(
seriously, not cool
i thought i was over this phase but no, it still feels as crazy as any first.

i've got more than 150pages to read for psy next mon
and the clock is ticking away.

how come some people know me and recognise me without me havng the faintest idea who they are? This is really bad

crazy crazy, but i love you so much.
honestly, it's pointless for me to try and resist you.
because i can't.
i'm weak in front of love, but i'm only human.
the rule is still unchanged, and no one here is crossing that boundary.
it was too obvious that we both knew we didn't stray.
that boy, is enough for me to keep my faith alive.

still, when you said those three words,
i felt the rush, i felt the love.
there are just some things that don't change.
you.
your familiarity.
your cheekiness.
the way you taste.
the way your fingers glide on my back.
the way some things never go out of practice, no matter how long, no matter what.

i like it when you nibble my ear.
i like it when i can feel your breathe, on my neck.
i like it when we kissed, until we're all breathless.
beautiful.

"I'm waiting for you to teach me."
this love is so an education for the both of us.

got laksa for lunch cos i was craving badly for it and guess who got laksa too for dinner?
This kind of tiniest, purest coincedence really makes me smile. Encore!

in the end love, i hope you're gonna cure me from lack of faith.

with you i realised that its not about the crazy things we've done, or about to do, or where we go, or what other people see, or even what the future holds for us.
it's really just about you.
about you being le un.
about falling hard, falling a la folie.
it's about, i'm glad it's you.

everytime i want to leave
everytime i'm ready to tell you that let's just take a break for a while and see if we'll fall for each other all over again the next time
everytime i've convinced my heart to be cold
you gave a reason to stay
no, you gave me a thousand reasons to stay.
and that's the reason why i'll continue fighting for you while i still can.

you're my dose of pure adrenaline,
and boy, i'm really looking forward to seeing you again
because i want to believe, that you're real.
and that you're mine,
mine to keep.

we're telephatic or what? :)

maybe i've always wanted you, but not enough.


i seem to realise the one-liner trend thats going on here.mmm

我喜欢爱情有点神秘

everything's gonna be fine eventually right?
It better be, 'cos i seriously cant handle another round of heart attack.
Family stuffs are always so stickyyy :(

sigh.i would really really love to watch the swedish version of larsson on the big screen :(

this is supposedly a ten book series not four. not three.

i'm positively devastated.

his book was good enough for me to sacrifice sleep and study session. during A's.A's music.

its only week2 and i'm already so exhausted. is this normal huhhhhh?

but school is good.less shopping = spend less money

but still online shops are so tempting.

noooooo save money for dream camera leonie!

i'll get you.some day. some day.

nothing taste as sweet as what i cant have.

i'm starting to get texts to read and prep for class.good thing i never stop reading newspaper and storybooks :)
school is alright for now. i kinda like being a somewhat social person and being invisible sometimes.

sometimes i ask myself if i miss you
truth is, i still do.
not desperately, but i wish you were there to hold me again and chase all those nightmares away.
will you do just that for me?

yes you're worth the fight, but i can't fight forever.
need time to grow up.both of us.

Sometimes i wonder,
does the love game abide by any rules?
We end up hurting people that love us
and getting hurt by those we love
What kind of twisted logic is this?
If my heart bleeds but you're ignorant about it, did my heart bled?

'if love was the answer, could you please rephrase the question?'

'Giving up, why should I?
We've come to far to forgot'

"distance is not for the fearful
it is for the bold.
It is for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone
in exchange for a little time with the one they love.
It is for those knowing a good thing when they see it
even if they don't see it nearly enough."

bidding for courses i pretty fun :)
and if i get the 5modules i bid (bidded?) for, school will definitely be a joy.
politics, psy, japan studies, history, french. quintuplet of awesomeness!
i need new bag. bagpacks, duffel bags, messenger bags, anything big enough to put my binders and papers will be good.tell me if you've seen something nice.or just get it for me heheh :D

tagged to do this even before hk trip.and i'll be doing my wishlist for before-2010-ends soon. J had been pestering me a few times :) oh by the way i love you cos you're my oldest friend and its crazy we're still friends after so long!

Would you rather tag!
Be extremely beautiful or extremely intelligent?
Extremely intelligent. because whats beauty without brains and because intellectual-ish conversations with guys leaves pretty deep impressions to me . i still cannot believe my conversion with loverboy on the first date includes poverty(A's compo topic), music (jazz and jargons), travelling (in general), exam, hostel life (his aussie days) and more music.

Go without brushing your teeth for a year or go without washing your hair for a year?
? none.for a year, thats insane?!?

Be rich or famous?
rich. because you can be rich and still have a private life, but being famous means being robbed of privacy, which is bad.

Have an amazing shoe collection or an amazing makeup collection?
Amazing shoe collection. because you can get away with very little makeup if you have good skin.

Be able to sing or be able to dance?
Sing. My obsession with music just never ends.

Be stranded on a Dessert Island or in the Desert?
Dessert Island.definitely.

Have a computer or a TV?
Computer. you can watch tv on computers no?

Wear spots or stripes for the rest of your life?
Stripes, i think.

Drink out of a teacup or a mug?
Mug. teacups are so dainty, i'm not

Receive a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates?
flowers.sunflowers please.

Have a hug or a kiss from someone you love?
kiss from lover, but hugs from everyone else.

Wear Converse or Stilettos?
converse. much as i love heels, they really kill you sometimes.

Meet Johnny Depp or Robert Pattinson?
Give me Johnny Depp, anyday.

Be a fairy or a mermaid?
Mermaid.because the underwater world is very very fascinating.

Coffee or a cup of Tea?
coffee, even though i know tea is much healthier :/

Pink nails or Blue nails?
Pink. shades like OPI's Pinking of you is good

Live somewhere sunny or somewhere cold?
Live somewhere cold.because winterwear is always so fashionable and cute.

Have an amazing house or an amazing car?
Amazing house. but i want a home more than a house you know.

Be kind or funny?
funny? i always think everyone have their own selfish motives, unsaid or not, they exist. so how can you be kind?

Eat sweets or cakes?
Cakes.

Hold a Tarantula or a Snake?
Tarantula.i;ve held snakes before.

Wear a necklace or a ring?
Rings.

Laugh or smile?
smile.

Be hated or be a hater?
be hated. you must have done something that the someone will never imagine themself doing thats why they hate you right?

Pearls or beads?
none. both are too girly for me

If you had to choose, lose your sight or hearing?
very hard to choose. i would rather die than not be able to hear, but then again whats life without being able to see things/ people you love?

Have lots of money or lots of friends?
lots of money. because i dont need lots of friends, just a couple of close friends i can depend on is good enough.

Love or be loved?
i'm selfish so i would rather be loved.

"Taste me, drink my soul
Show me all the things that I shouldn't know
And there's a new moon on the rise

I had everything
Opportunities for eternity
And I couldnt long to the night
Your eyes, your eyes
I can see in your eyes
Your eyes everything in your eyes, your eyes"
The pretty reckless- You make me wanna die

there is just something about forbidden and dangerous love that i absolutely cannot resist.loverboy is one.

lousy handphone camera but those were the nicer pictures i took on the short getaway to hk and beijing. toystory exhibition in hk times sq (those aliens were ultra adorable!), great wall of china (yes i did complete it was the ultimate exercise -.-) and tian an men with daddy. i'm such a daddy's girl.
soon soon, it'll be bye bye holiday and hello reality.which by the way, kinda sucks :(


bestest,
we are threading on dangerously close grounds again. ths time i hope we'll make it through without major drama like last time huh. and you dote on me too much, way tooooo much you're spoiling me.
cong

6more hours to home sweet home :)
i'm too lazy to write anything long and detailed but i'm glad i got my hands on mac limited ed collection this time yay yay yay :)
And and and things and food here are so cheap i hauled a couple useless stuff for cheap thrills and eat alot/drink alot of bubble tea i think i gain weight alr.
Okay byezzz will be a busy bee when i'm back
so many things to do before school starts, so little time! :(

i wonder who is still reading my blog.you must be an old friend, a close one, a stalker, two of the above or all of the above.but it doesnt matter because i'll miss you all.

Looking forward to coming back recharged and ready for uni.and to do those planned things with so many people that i promised. and those plans with loverboy, for once its not illegal or anything bad but its nostalgic, you know, like back to where we started.

You always asked me why when you're with me you'll always want to do something illegal and you always reckon that i'm your bad influence.
but i would have told you the same thing because you're my bad influence, always.
And wait for me boy, like you've once promised.

its only when i hear your voice on the phone that i realised how much i missed you.
and i'm glad you're coming down from the other side of the world to see me, before going back to the other side of the world for dinner.
talking to you on the phone, planning a movie date that will never happen because the cute movie is sold out everywhere, just listening to you mumble to yourself on the phone, or even just to listen to you say something sweet, i missed that.no.i missed you.so very much.
i guess i'm too busy trying to push you away to give myself space that i didnt realised how much i'm missing life wihtout you around.
and boy, i'm so excited that i'm seeing you in ten. :)

you dont need to sweettalk me.
just be yourself, and i'll be head over heels.

And what's next boy? Island hopping sounds really crazy!
Sometimes i wonder after loverboy and i are over, can i ever fall for normal boring musicy people? Going for dates minus the adventure and thrill like i had with you arnd, that doesnt sound very appealing actually. But i guess we'll see. And i'm pretty excited. :)

in the end i realised the answer to your question aint that difficult at all, but it might also not be something you want to hear.
the answer, i would say, is time. give it time. because time heals. and time proves everything.
then again, please take whatever i said with a grain of salt, because i'm an entirely different breed that stray from the usual girls thinking.
oh.and i'm no ice queen. your theory about me is so deeply flawed.

in the end you broke our unspoken promise. you.yes.you no?

sometimes, i want to be selfish, very selfish, so that it wont hurt so bad.at least for me.
I know to fly have always been your dream.and seeing your dream take flight, i'm never happier, for you.
like m, both of you have a dream so crystal clear that you're willing to put down everything and chase it.for that i'm envious and yet, it also mean that i have to learn to let go.
I miss you, the old you.and you know that if the old you is to come back, i'll clear my calender, any day.but i doubt you're coming back.are you?

"你说我像一个小孩
总爱让你猜
我说你才像个小孩
总要我说才明白
有些事 太快
失去了 等待 障碍
没了期待"


loverboy
dont wait for me please.
i dont have faith in myself.i really dont
we're not even talking about months.we're talking about years
and in three or four years, so many things can happen.
and i dont know if i can be good and not stray
sometimes i wonder
how can you be everything m is, and at the same time also everything he's not.

so are we both back on the game again?
and in the meantime...

让我又爱又恨
他的爱怎么那么深

" There is something deeply puzzling about the commitments that we make, into the distant future, when we know that things will change."

somehow i find doing the weirdest thing like re-arranging my room at midnight very therapeutic.and my favourite space is:

so pretttyyy :)
yeah i know its plasticy ring but that was my ahem imaginary wedding ring ten plus years ago so dont judge. and the white heels on seashell is so cuteee :)
and and and the mini mickey and friends! major loveeeee!!



p.s.
omg bestest guess what i found! please be very very honoured!


pps. i freaking saw music boyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

being sweet-talked is one thing.being sweet-talked by someone you care is another thing.
and i definitely cannot resist the latter.
you're rushing through your work to spend time with me because ahem you're neglecting me(not my words!), and little things like this really overwhelmed me which explains why in a million times i'm not replying you.
to love is hard, but some times i feel that being loved is equally difficult. the fact that people actually care and you have the responsibility to not break his heart, now how do you do that?
insecurities, expectations, sacrifices and so many other things running through my head.sigh.we really need to talk
its very extra super nerve-wrecking(?)
i dont know.i've never been this nervous about seeing you, other than maybe the first time, but i'm really feeling the butterflies in your stomach thingy.not cool.

"are you okay?"
"why should i not be?"
"you're not"
just one of these days i may start hating you for being able to read me like a book.

us and the inevitable we-need-to-talk
i just wonder when will that be.

loverboy.i've got so much to tell you.
i really really need to see you.badly
you always know how to tear down my defences.see through my lies.make me think twice
are you thinking of me now? i wonder.
yst night was probably really bad and restless for you.but do you know it applies to me too? hurting you doesnt make me feel any better.that much is true.
you know it dont you? that my head tells me to leave you so that i dont have to go through another round of heartbreak.but my heart begs me not to.
and if my first lesson is to teach you to treasure people before you lose them then so be it.

i've just finished watching an education and wow love it.
feels just like that.schoolgirl leading a normal yet very boring life until she met some not so young guy that opened her eyes for the first time.like you did.
to see the world through your eyes, to be part of your world, all these are new.and incredible.yet insanely insane.
you've charmed your way through.through my life.through my heart.
its getting really hard and harder each time to quit you.
but where are we going?what's next?and how will all these end?
i'm really crossing my fingers that it will all work out.

here we are, taking an unofficial break from each other for the time being.
i guess its a good thing, even though noone knows what will happen next.
maybe we'll come back more insane than ever, wanting more of each other.
then again.maybe we'll be like strangers that part and go on separate ways.
its crazy how after honeymoon it takes super alot of hardwork and effort to built everything up, and maybe we're both not ready for this.

sometimes i wonder if you only lust for me, or if you, even if its just a tiny fraction, ever wanted to conquer my soul.

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you"
Nichole krauss- history of love

meet love or cultivate inner peace?
Tsk i'm so hopeless at prioritizing now that you're in the equation.
I'll probably do the former because i havent seen you on two weeks and thats a pretty long time.we've got no plans yet, but then again, since when did we have a plan?
I remembered one of the first things i've ever told you was that all we need is a plan, and that happened eons ego before sparks flew.mmm.

boy's feeling better and less grumpy and more nonsensical as usual so thats a good start :)
its really kinda sweet that you always make a point to update me by text or call rather than wait for me to read fb.
and cross my fingers that weekend date will still be on!

is it just me or what but i seriously think that jamie cullum does a good cover of rihanna's dont stop the music.for one its a jazzy version and it'll alr win over half of me.if thats not enough thr's the exploding piano, jc with kinda husky-in-a-nice-way voice and messy hair, and loads of piano solo parts.nicee :)

heart pain.yeah it hurts.it hurts pretty damn bad.
because its you.
please please recover soon/ heal well so you dont have to do op/ rest more/ dont move stay stagnant and bored for a week.
:(

" 'Love', this English word; like other English words it has tense. 'Loved', or 'will love', or 'have loved'. All these specific tense mean Love is time-limited thing. Not infinte. It only exist in particular period of time. In Chinese, Love is 爱. It has no tense, no past and future. Love in Chinese means a being, a situation, a circumstance. Love is existence, holding past and future.
If our love existed in the Chinese tense, then it will last forever. It will be infinte. "
-- Guo Xiaolu; A concise Chinese-English dictionary for lovers

sometimes i wonder between us, who set the rules and boundaries. is it you, or me?

tml's gonna be cultivate inner peace with myself day and i've got tons planned :)
then friday and saturday will be outing with many people day!i hope plans are not cancelled!
and sunday's back to work.
how on earth did i manage to find time for you for the past uh.one month or so?mmmm

today i woke up feeling like crap and i told myself i wanna timeout with him, you know like not see him for a week or two and see what happens.
i strike out options and came to a conclusion that 1) i'm not a longterm r/s person.am i? 2)i'm getting a little bored of this (uh whatever this messy thing is called) romance/relation. 3)something's missing.like by now we are used to how certain things go and the thrill is not really thr anymore.sure we still do crazy things but it doesnt give as much adrenaline as it used too. 4)i'm probably weird and insecure and selfish and bad and blahblahblah.
see its complicated? i think i need to seriously stop seeing him for a while and go out more with my friends and not think of him.mmm okay good plan.

anothor emo days and that gives me a reason to go shopping and make myself feel abit better :)
i wanna helium balloons, sunflower, dark chocolate, vanilla latte, glazed donut, greasy fried chicken and all other things that can make me smile.
gonna do more running swimming and situps. go go go.

mixed feelings.sometimes i really dont know what i want and all
you always seem to know the right button to push, to make me think twice every time i tell myself i want to call quits
i know its not fair to ask you question i dont even have answer myself, but still i wish i know what we'll be like in the future.

"damn those sweet memories
how do you, how do you sleep?"

shouldn't have agreed to working on saturday
:( X100000

"because there is no guarantee, that this love is easy."

dear leonie,

stop being so insecure, whinny and possesive.
you know right from the start that this is not going to be easy
and nobody said its gonna be easy either.
you've chosen a love thats hundred times crazier that what you can handle, and while the prize's a lot sweeter, the stakes are higher and the price to pay are directly propotional.
noone's stopping you if you wanna call it quits now, but doing that will not be following your heart, and you know you'll regret it someday.
so even if this is gonna be real hard challenging difficult insane and even a little depressing at times, have a little more faith; in love, in him, in yourself.
be brave and fight for the things you believe in and have always wanted.

love leonie

thankyou for the awesome time at airport yst (:
likes it alot that we spend time tgt on lazy saturday chilling and just do nothing but explore the airport talk read and dream.dreaming abt the future.
if this is love then i guess i'm starting to get used to it alr!
and they actually planted real sunflowers in changi airport so prettttyyy!!
they shld consider planting sunflowers all around sg hehe (:


b, you know your quota theory, they're wrong.or at least, it doesnt apply to me.
superficially i'll tell you its because i want quality meetup, you know, like spending a few hours or the whole day with him rather than just him fetching me back home then talk for 15min and the end.
but honestly, its because i'm afraid that i'm becoming more and more dependent on him.for me this is a big deal, because i dont usually rely on people.
i'm still trying to do the tell him when i work whats my plan for the day and all, and relying on him a little more than i would trust myself to. i still need time to get used to all these crazy things but for now, we're all good.
and i dont take him for granted, ever.
thanks for always being so nice to me, sometiems you make me guilty 'cos i always talk to you about m last time and now him. and by now you'll probably be bored hearing me rant about guys and repeating the same things to me.oops.but thats why you're bestest right? heheh (:

you're pretty crazy this week huh,being exceptionally sweet and having withdrawal symptoms before i do.i wonder whats going on hmmm.
and yes boy, patience please, saturday's only 1plus more day away.even though secretly, i cant wait and i wished it was today.oh wellllllls

because you (out of the blue) texted me and say you're thinking of me.
just a while ago my insecurities' acting up again and i wonder if you ever think of me at all.
and then you texted me.sweet!
its the littlest thing like this that makes me smile and everything worth it.


likes it that we make crazy plans like buy a yatch plus a secret island.hahah.so roarke-ish! (:

" 'cos you know i'll walk a thousand miles
if i can just see you
if i can just hold you
tonight."

its crazy that i'm still secretly thinking of sunday night, and how you always leave me wanting more.

today was wow.
shangrila's food was wow.mosaic's closing gigs were wow.time with you was wow
if life's about the number of moments that took your breaths away, then i'll so blissfully continue this kind of life, where work friends music you and every other small details are constantly wow-ing me.

its either you called while i was asleep (and having nightmares) or i dreamt that you called me.i think its the former. i hope i didnt say anything stupid to you!

still sleepy and all and the weather is so perfect to just sleep
i cant really think of anything better to do on rainy days other than to sleep or cover myself with blanket, read a good book have a hot drink beside me and good music playing.mmm. i'll just do that in a while :)

nightmare and all, i think work is too overwhelming these two days
but work's fun.happy place with happy people.ha! and those smiley kids are so cute they made my day
i kinda like to work cos i wont think of you so much, its going be an obsession like m if this dont stop seriouslyyyyyyy.
its so super unfair that you are the rare few that can messup with my life urghhh
and why am i working next friday :( :( :(
i'll try to switch my shift with someone but i dont know can or not.nooooo :(
sorwie!

sunday was lim's surprise party :)
hope you like the card plus envelope!
we love you lims!

saturday is not-so-secret anymore but its was really awesome
seriously i think riding your bike gives me more adrenaline than riding rollercoaster human wasnt scary at all but cylon was fun! :)
bsg, rom, rapids, enchanted(ha!), shrek 4d, monster rock and and pizza and tiramisu and churos! yay :)
and vivo after that was crazy: haagendazs, chilling at pcc and shopping for your dad's present (ahem!) and all, i'll go as much to say that the wait was worth.
doing the littlest thing can feel so new with you around, esp the shopping around part! knowing your shirt size and all, they're really small things but wow, i've never known M's shirt and jeans size before leh!
would love to get you a tedbarker but too bad its gonna burn a hole in my pocket.eh.today's your lucky day so its okay even if noone gets you anything ha!
you're late for your friend's party thing, and i was late for dinner, but it was all good, all good.
sunday will be another crazy time with you again :)

we both know right?
when your fingers linger on my skin a little too long
or when i look at you in the eyes, a second too long.
the rules are all too familiar, clearly spelt out
but i'll be contented breaking them for you.with you.
people will probably have no idea how many times i've tried to fight the feeling but it kinda failed.
so for now, i'll just work on how i'm gonna get pass myself and see whr all these lead us to.


B stop stalking his fb.tyvm

p.s. i dont know what i've gotten myself into serously. why am i going to listen to seminar hosted by some faculty of business econs and law???? noooo!

" The best and the most beautiful thing in the world cannot be seen nor even touched, but just felt in the heart."

will do proper update soon but not now cos i'm rushing for something
the picture is a clue! :)
awesome day today!

finally did somethnig productive other than play the piano today :)
i'm very very proud of it cos its like my first attempt and its nice :D
this weekend is so gonna be crazy insane plus awesome
cant wait alr! :D

omg i want that dresssssssssss!
and fangs we shld go shop shop again if we have nothing to do hehehe
but must be before you know when!!!
i know you're reading <3

feel like privatising my blog sometimes because i have no freaking idea whose reading. but it will kinda defeats the pt right?

went to the library and read abt those horoscope and your characteristics thingy
you know.then thr's the analysis of birthdates and i read it
not like i actually superstitiouly believe but omg its so true
like the high voltage for thrill is so me
maybe its not only me but also the tenthousand 16august babies arnd the world.
i will go read it more thoroughly.again.soon.

p.s.
really glad that i have a bunch of friends that i can really talk to.those that wont judge and are actually willing to listen to me rant. there just a few really, but they're the best :) and you know its you i'm talking about :)

b, we took a really long detour and a really long time before we can talk like yst night.face to face without awkardness.thankyou for that.i'll as usual think abt what you said, open my eyes bigger and all.but the dont-go-out-with-him-alone thing, i may not be able to promise that.i play with fire yes, but he's not a bad person.i trust him for that.dont worry abt me :)

Had dreams i cant rmb. the only thing i rmb-ed was that in my dream, today's not wednesday, but its the day i finally see you again, and i was so excited then.mmm.

"Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception"


i want to know if you'll still love me despite my insecurities
i want to know if you'll still love me despite being surrounded by seriously beautiful people all the time
i want to know if you'll be my new definition of love
i want to know when i'll see you again
i want to know when i'll forget abt anything and everything and just remember moments with you
i want to know if this is not a dream
i want to know if you'll be my only excpetion.

"The one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep, and the hardest to accept because through all that the love will grow stronger. Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise we wouldn’t end up with the right person. We would end up with the first one who comes along. By struggling we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the one."

when you said you missed me bad, i wonder if i miss you more, or if you miss me more.
i guess we're even huh.
you.musicy.a charmer, part-time sweet-talker, but i'll still fall for you anyway.
so when will be our next date?
haven't seen you in a long long time.

"you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than our dreams"
Mmm.

i will sleep a happy and peaceful girl tonight, and yeah its probably the last night i can sleep well since doomsday day is tml.

Can someone enlighten me by telling me what :/ means???!?? Its like every time you say you miss me, this emoticon will be attached and i have no idea what it means.unhappy, sad, confused or what??? tell meeeee!

went to ecp with a few turnstille casuals to cycle. And ecp is fast becoming my second favourite hunt not just because its quiet on weekdays, but also because that place is pretty nostalgic.
Thats the place a guy other than my dad actually peeled prawns for me and i didnt reject. The place you first hold me hands, lay it near my heart and we counted stars together. The place i so want time to freeze.
even though this love game may not bring us anywhere, i guess i'm contented enough.for now.

didn't see you-know-who today which is quite depressing but am secretly relieved just because i know i'll break even more curfews and thats not good.lots of things are happening back in indo and breaking the curfew will probably be a stupid idea i'll regret.everything happens for a reason so it's not that bad a thing i hope.

Even though, i really do miss you quite a bit and will only see you next week..mmm.oh wells :(

friday's doomsday and i really dont want to think about! Double :(

the internet thing on mobile phones is really neat and addictive.i can so understand why he's practically married to the iphone now!

got my dream love-at-first-sight phone today.and you're the first to call me.oh.and we're seeing each other (finally) on tuesday.
mmm.life's good :)

B, yes i did thought about what you said. i'll promise you to give this complicated thing more thought and i wont regret a single thing, neither will i do things to make myself regret. you can dont be so jing-zhang huh!
thanks for listening to me rant over msn yst :)

"havent seen you in a bit"

yeah.haven't seen you in a long time, that is if one week is even considered long.
when i see you, i'm gonna tell you that i miss you.
because i really do.

"Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost."
can't agree more with Plato's theory even though he's a very ancient guy but he must be a genius to come out with these.mmm

this is escalating to something a little more than a lovegame huh
and while i have full faith in you, i dont have much confidence in myself
will you still want me, me and my insecurities and my childishness and my flaws and my imperfections?


did you, like me, stared at the phone and dont-know-what-to-do for a while?
simple words, but they messed up my heart and brain.
i really hope you meant what you said, because i did.

"oh don't be a fool, don't be blind, heart of mine."

you always know how to make me smile, and so easily, you messed up my life (literally!)
and from the moment i agreed to trust you, i'm alr giving you everything
but when the insanity, crazyness and dizzyness of love wear out, what will we be left with?

still thinking if i should give you my wednesday night.
but if i do then i might miss you.

crossed the border with you and a bunch of your rider friends today
adventure day but its very tiring!
covered more than 500km today which is insane! i dont even think its comparable the distance covered when my dad drives us for gateaway in indo
i do hope they cant find me on fb and tag those pictures cos its uh quite scandalous

got to rethink about you.about us
i feel that while i really do like you and enjoy your company alot, its not a good enough reason to convince me and my heart.and often i ask myself if i can live without you, and sadly, the answer is yes. maybe this is not deep enough to be classified as love. we still need more time huh? or maybe i'm not the relationship kind of person? 'cos falling in love is easy, but maintaining relationships are not. and i dont want to love and lose you again like i did with m

dont even want to think about work tml which starts at 8!
on a lighter note:
tue- happy meal at happy place (no idea what is going on too but that's the plan!)
thur- outing with fangs and lims
fri- movie plus yet-to-be-planned with dee
sat- talk to myself, read book, drink coffee, listen to chilaxjazz, play piano, daydream and sleep more.

b i want to talk to you! :(

a very much reblogged quote by unknown(?) but i thought everything is true about it, especially the last line.mmm

“If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.”


tomorrow will be adventure day! :)

"Two people in love, alone, isolated from the world, that's very beautiful. But what would they nourish their intimate talk with? However contemptible the world may be, they still need it to be able to talk together."
"They could be silent."
"Like those two, at the next table?" JeanMarc laughed. "Oh, no, no love can survive muteness."
-Identity, Milan Kundera

and yes i've managed to clear my sunday for you!
:)

" Glad you're hm safe!
Rest well Leonie!
Goodnight! =)"

mmm.this so totally make my day i mean night!
:)

you have no idea how much i wanted to go with you even though its to the most ridiculous place (JB waterfall?!) on a sunday.
but work's really depriving me of time and energy so i guess i'll have to cont' having withdrawal symptoms (4days and counting) and finally planning somethng concrete with you
but its really kinda sweet of you to call me after work and all :)
i'll repeat myself again but i'll really kill to see you now.

am finally setting aside some time to catch up with friends and myself
its been a while since i go to secret place alone (the last time was with you at midnight!) to stone, walk walk, listen to music, look look and blow wind.mmm

angbao money plus payday (end of the month) is really making me feel like splurging!

are you that slightly jealous?
:)
its these little moments that make everything worthwhile

p.s. the meaning of the name leonie is lion/lioness.ha!how helpful

who says the love game is gonna be easy?
sometimes i feel like just taking the easy way out, being loved instead of loving.
its like to be with you i've got to keep breaking rules and boundaries.i'm honestly okay with those, but they are draining me.and at the end of the day, will i win over your heart (and soul)?
just how much am i willing to sacrifice for you?and you, for me?
need more answers and less questions.

barrage was okay-ish only cos thr were lots of people (who fly kites at 2am?! insane!) so it wasnt quiet and private-ish
and i was really tired after work and everything so it kinda killed the mood :(
if you stay somewhere near i'll so totally find you every single day :(

on a lighter note, finally found someone who realises the bass line and harmonises them! i always thought it was a crazy habit of mine to filter out basses but now i know someone else does that too and thats you :)
and i'm the first one to call you __ :) [told you i'll ask!]
yes boy april is really far from now (if we manage to even last that long), but its something to look forward to, the curfew-less few days!

幸福没有那么容易
才会特别让人着迷

finally tonight i'll be seeing you again
like you said, its gonna be awesome
and i cant wait :)
how can i get enough of you?

"Don't hold it against me," said the trumpeter. "It was on purpose that you didn't hear from me. I didn't want to be in touch with you. I was afraid of what was happening inside me. I was resisting love. I wished to write you a long letter, I actually filled pages and pages, but I finally threw them all away. I was never so in love before, and it scared me. And why not admit it? I also wanted to make sure that my feelings were something other than a passing enchantment. I told myself: If I go on being like this for another month, what I'm feeling for her isn't an illusion, it's a reality"
Farewell waltz- Milan Kundera
(please read even though its a chunk of text only.it explains ALOT!)

that's how it feels now
i know people are curious (I am also) but please dont ask nowww :(
it will totally drive me insane cos i'm still thinking
i got a lot of insecurities issue to deal with so dont bother asking
i'll probably start telling people once everything is okayyy
its quite pressuring and yes i know people are curious to know who can make me forget m but give me some breathing spaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

thr are freaking so few decent guys left!
really dont like dont like dont like this cos they're freaking me out
arghhh

your text does make me day a little, even if you're two steps too slow huh
and i miss your live again.kill meeeeeeeeee! :(


p.s. B, pretty face is not the answer to everything can?!?!?! i think i asked you quite a lot of different questions alr and everytime your answer is pretty face -.- eh not counted!!!!pls think of other more creative answer thankyouverymuch.

i think i'm the only one whose feeling the wthdrawal symptoms after 5 days :(
5 days onlyyyy!!look at what you've done :((
if you tell me i'll only get to see you after cny, i'll probably fall into depressionnnnn.

okayyy bye off to work at freaking early hours today and ahem 'happening' shift tml plus fri

noooooooo

[edited]
thanks b for the (slight)enlightenment today
oh.and the test thing was not fun/funny at all!!make me miss a good half hour chat with you-know-who
but still, thank you for hearing me rant to you and making me (re)-think about what i want and everything

i kinda thought about it and my conclusion(s) is/are:
1. its not commitment phobia.definitely
2. i'll (in any case) fight for what i want, and he will be one of them. i dont want to have things so easily because i wont know how to treasure so yeah, we'll see how this goes.
3. its not that i'm afraid of loving or committing, lets just say i'm (very) afraid of losing.
4. i think you're kinda right about the finding someone familiar and all that psychology stuff.at lest their characteristics in general is kinda similar, but the way they love me is very different

this sounds naggy and pretty much like an essay, but its really nice to talk to you again.thanks a million :D

p.s. (cont' from above) 5. eh.you know the pretty thing, i think both of you are biased so it'll probably not count.no?

"do i deserve to be the one?"

love is stealing a kiss or two when the traffic light turns red :)

"if its real we'll make it through
cos all i need is you."

all i need is you?
at times, i really want to be your only one.
but that will be a really selfish thought

fatigue plus one week of withdrawal symptoms is a lethal combi.

totally unhappy because i missed your live (again!) and its so freaking hard to find free time to go out with you since work starts.its one week alr nooooo!

have to keep psychoing myself that my life dont revolve arnd you only. wonder how i manage to get by those indo-hk trips :(

i'm so going to splurge on anything and everything on payday

likes it when you try to ask me out every single day, because by now the withdrawal symptoms are pretty much unbearable already, even though it've been barely a week.

the effort and the thought count.because we both know we have our own worlds, crazy schedules, curfew and strict parents(mine!) to deal with.

sweet!

maybe part of the love game includes missing you like crazy, late night calls and sweet-talkng.seriously need to get used to all these!
i guess the feeling of being wanted and wanting back as much is still rather foreign to me, even though its starting to sink in now.
not taking anything for granted (lesson learnt!)
guess i'm not the only one suffering from withdrawal symptoms huh! :0
i will (promise) meetup with you again soon cos imy as well
would kill to see you jam tonight.sorwieee :(



若你碰到了　替我問候他
告訴他　我過得很美滿
已忘記他　已把淚水全部擦乾
若你碰到了　替我問候他
祝福他和他的另一半
不在乎他　不再愛也不再等待
就這樣吧　若你碰到他

bye m.this time for real
thanks for teaching me how to love.and for loving me
it wasn't easy, but i didnt regret a thing

your bike:
1. 's mirror is still dirty from our last mt faber trip's fake snow
2. 's clock is still one hour plus faster
3. need a new (smaller) helmet with visor

i'll probably never tell you that:
1. i really like it when you hold my hands throughout the movie
2. you are very addictive
3. you're the few that dont mind me asking so many nonsense questions.somehow, you'll have answers to even the most ridiculous questions i have.

i think i heard you say the three words
but then again, maybe i'm imagining it
it doesnt matter though,
the night was beautiful, and your company was perfect.

fnally after days of staring at my box of godiva chocolates, i succumb to temptation and eat one piece.mmm awesome :)

still waiting for v2 to settle his stuff and fetch me out
♥

good thing we'll probably be spending the whole of tml tgt :)
and probably thu too if you managed to get (ahem!) mc for two days
be well.take care.now's your turn to be ill :(

likes it when you say "k wait for me"
and even if i get one less hour of sleep, it'll be worth it

so totally cannot wait for wednesday (and probably plus tuesday) night to come! :)
finally after what seems like eternity!
"baby we could rock the night alone"

当你把手轻轻放进我手里
怎能不相信
世上真的有奇迹

"is thr anything for me to look forward to? you?"
"you."

so glad you called :)

back :)
hk's shopping was awesome! esp H&M, sg should seriously have at least one!! spent close to 250bucks on clothes and bag and daddy paid everything for me yay! :) and and dimsum thr is yums!

but i miss you.you appearing at my block after work and everything.and i really want to see you now/soon.
给我快乐 因为我值得

its really not fair that you'll be back only when i'm going away to hk
and why must cny and v-day clash?????
noooooooo :( :(

突然很渴望
在你身上
能找到我要的 靠岸

newyear resolution
1. forget m
2. memorise dr.w's list of 500 vocab words.was supposed to do this for the A's but i ran out of time so now is a good time
3. lose weight/ stop gaining weight.exercise moreeee
4. be nicer to (selective few) people
5. (secret)

i know they're asking.but the rule of thumb still stands.
i dont date:
1. people i'm not interested in (no matter how nice they are to me)
2. when i'm not over m
3. point 1 plus 2

15 days is half a month
15 days is a long time
15 days will feel like forever

feels kinda juvenille, kinda childish, kinda silly
but tonight was awesome.
and i think new year resolution number1 is almost or maybe already accomplished.

"Keeping passion at bay or surrendering blindly to it - which of these two attitudes is the least destructive?
I don't know."

— Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

likes it when you half hold my hand while you bike.
and thanks for riding me back even though i live at the other side of your world
i dont know where this will lead us to but we'll know in a bit
love those shuffle beats on the drums! :)

likes it when i said i sleep with 5 stuffed-toys and you called me __ :)
glad to have a as music-ky as me kinda friend
tml's (late)present-exchange and outing will be uber fun and definitely fattening because you'll always drive to find good food :)

and music boy's clone is positively very cute.not cute cute but cute because his sms reply is very humourous and amusing

my first new year resolution is to forget music boy and i'm almost achieving it alr.i find myself not thinking about him that obsessively this trip and thats a change.
i'll think about the rest of my new-year resolution.

p.s.
B: i think you're reading this because you're always so up-to-date about whats going on and everything and i'm so clueless about how you do it.but hello anyway.and excuse me you havent replied my facebook mail.you must be busy dating tsk tsk!